Lost

was I?
maybe. it's a possibility.
What am I talking about?
the Past.
Sometimes, people who are a sensitive radar like me, tend to think about the Past more than I should.
For me, it's just about remembering the struggle I've had overcome, defining what I am Today and what I am capable to be Tomorrow.
Sometimes, I surprise myself.
So, No regrets.

Since all the TV shows actors are on holiday and all the program start next year.
So I've picked the show LOST.
I've never seen it.
So far, it's so good. I understand why people like it.
The survivals, struggles, hard decisions, the haunting past, the magical island that holds an unknown territory - all in extreme situation.
I think it's brilliant.
But I'm still on Season 1 episode 15.
And Evangeline Lily is gorgeous :)

Besides Lost,
I found this phrase from Polyvore and I think it's hilarious! LOL

Sparkle you fool, Sparkle! hahahaha..it's going to be a classic.

~ my way, all the way ~

Blank Month

December is ending.
No post at all huh?
I could write my philosophies according to what I learned, (which I did but decided not to post them).
So here it is. New post.

Dear coming Maal Hijrah and 2009,
Alhamdulillah for the possibility of loving the life given.
Even after the deep battle, I am still here.
And I wish to share my glorifying moment of thought.
From now until the end, my friends, I want to continue loving.
And keep what matters, matter.
Thank You for choosing to fit in my little world.
It's a blessing not to live alone.
(this also goes especially to the Deviantart Community, I heart you guys!)

"The measure of love is to love without measure" - author unknown. (anyone knows?)

dedicating 'YOU' by Take That from their new album The Circus.


~ one and only, with all my heart ~

Wild Horses

Me and my sis love this song from the movie FLICKA.
I think it is one of the most beautiful song I've ever heard. ^_^

Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield.

I feel these four walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh
Breaklessly abandoning my self before you
I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah

I wanna run with the wild horses

~ so many things left unsaid ~

Find a way to smile

I was sick yesterday.
Got treated well. My dad gave me his medicine, eaten McD Chicken Porridge and got a heart shaped strawberry cake from my mom.
Even my adorable nephew Irfan, made my day ^_^.
I'm ok now. Still got the flu though.

Yey!!! Congratz to DREW! for making his TV debut on 90210 with 'I'll Be Your Breeze' !!! n yes! I already own that EP with his signature!
Wonderful!

Here's a song from a Polyvore friend that cheered me up.
Enjoy! Pappa..para pappappa!

Artist : Pearl and the Puppets
Song : Because I Do



~ only you have the power to believe ~

Creative?

Is just a word now for me. It is not a definition anymore.
Basically, I'm letting the thinking of the thinking go.
Ironically, my subconscious mind aka inspiration will do the 'creative' thinking itself.
Forcing it to do that is a waste and I do know that, IF I cut off the thinking of the thinking.
So many thinking. I may loose my mind!!!
But I'm not. Cause I'm letting me be. I am born with this ability to do so.
So be it. Bluek!

Back to the Q i wrote few weeks ago. It's now in the orbit again.

Observation.
Sometimes i think we are like parasites. We feed on each other to get what we want. There's good and bad parasites. Then again, we are both really.
So perhaps, we exchange to balance each other?
It's when, we became greedy that we make the other weak and eventually some will die.
And the greedy parasites tag n war with each other.
Leaving the last winner ONE HUGE UGLY BLOATED BIG MESSY of a Parasite with millions of dead parasites! What's left to happen? It will EXPLODE! and die of course.

Now, isn't the balanced world is much better and that the fact that we won't be alone is a major cheery part?

So, If one more person ask me to BE SELFISH even a bit as a solution? I'll just IGNORE!
Why do you think that I have this ability and power in the 1st place?

I'll be where I be. I am what I am.

p.s : I want to open an Art Gallery!

~ looking up, feet on grass ~

Chilling Day with LENKA

She's adorable.weird.imperfect.wonderful. ^_^ Like me! hehehe...

Initially, my day started with plans. But this week cycle ain't over yet.
So, I am chilling with Lenka while at the same time deals with the world inside my home that spinned in every direction. waarrgghhh! phewww!

See....I am breeze walking through all of it! Seriously!!! ladadadadadadada...

LENKA album is a Breeze.

My fav tracks :
Trouble is A Friend, Knock Knock, Live Like You're Dying, Don't Let Me Fall.

Knock Knock by Lenka.

She's from Sydney though now live in LA. ;)

p.s : i added POLYVORE's badge below my DA favs! check it xx

~ give me a break, a little escape ~

Need A Jar

Had 2 shitty days. The problem is I badly want to tell someone but I can't.
I'm starting to think this is some kind of disease? or a malfunction. meh.
But like always, it passed away. Like any problems in the world.
Anyway, my thoughts that came out from the recent 'moment' is this.

I need A Jar. Best it to be Magical because it has to fit pretty big black stuff in it.
See, i also made a theory why the Ocean is made of 70% in Earth.
It's because it needs to clean up ALL the jars in the world.
Like the circle of life,
we take and give, we absorb and exhale. In and out.
Black and white.
The jar is where the blackness needs to be put in.
And knowing that the Ocean will never shrink is a Breeze.

Erin McCarley with Pony.

You hold your head up to the sky
You say what kind of blue
are you? Are you?
Then you ride your pony round and round
It’s diggin’ a hole, right through, right through

You stumble down a yellow brick road,
Spinning your shoes in the air, the air.
Then you, hold your breath, and count to nine,
Hoping that soon somebody will find you, find you,

Go on, go on, go on, the stars are watching,
Just say, just say, just say, what you’re feeling,
You know, you know, you know, you gotta take a bow and do it your way,
It’s okay, ladadadadadadadada, it’s okay, ladadadadadadadada

You’re 15 miles over the speed,
You’re going fast as you can after your daydream Ohh
I might get sad, carried away
Or have a serious talk with your, champaign.

It’s time for you to prove,
Within your ruby shoes
You deserve a smile with no regret,
Look at you
Kicking off your shoes,
Dancing for the world to see,
You got the power to believe,
Open up and see,
And go be free and fly away

~ closer to the Jar ~

Helo November. I'm on my Way.

Abstract linked more with the spirit rather than the physical interpretation.
I decided to look into artworks representing that - just for fun -
a change in the wind!

Have a lovely Nov people.
Here's something cool to look forward to ( besides TWILIGHT ) :

The Spirit
by Frank Miller

~ brainstorming

Greatest Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am frantically excited inside!
3rd & 4th JULY 2009 is a mega dream to me.
the answer to 'WILL I SEE TAKE THAT LIVE' will be revealed-in time.

Check out their New Single 'GREATEST DAY'.
The vid is awesome. wait until the end of the vid, you'll know what i mean.
Got goosebumps from it!!!


i'm so happy i could cry.

~ prepared to fall ~

Clap Your Hands, Come On

Feels good to be together ain't it?
With loved ones...and even you with your beloved self. ^_^

Due to Eid Mubarak, overseas friends came home for a quick visit.
A grown up destiny.
An ascending goodbye moments with hugs and kisses.
Dad went to Portugal.
Even damn Uber.com had to go! (miss you...)
Goodbye..Bye-Bye..Adios..Kak Eera's Sayonara!

The beauty behind these leaves is the new tomorrow it will bring.
Will I ever get to see Take That live?
Will I ever go to Paris?
Will I travel the Middle East?
Will I get slimmer? (lol)
Will I succeed in what I learn?
Will I love life like the present?

Many worries. Many thoughts. Many hopes. Many happiness.
This moment of "Will I"
Let's celebrate the privilege to do so.

Song : Rock&Roll ( OST Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 )
Artist : Eric Hutchinson

He’s been waiting around for the weekend
Figuring which club to sneak in
Fancy drinks and fifty-dollar cover charge
Lately it’s been a big hassle
Heineken and New Castle
So make sure he’s fitting in and living large
Disregard the lies that he will tell
and what he’s probably like 'cause
It's not hard his charm is gonna
Get him through the night

CHORUS
If he wants to rock he rocks
If he wants to roll he rolls
He can roll with the punches
Long as he feels like he’s in control
If he wants to stay he stays
If he wants to go he goes
He doesn’t care how he gets there
Long as he gets somewhere he knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

See her heavy make up and cut t-shirt
Every girl out wants to be her
But they look the same already why adjust
Reading the magazine secrets
Forgetting the topical regrets
If she comes home all alone the nights a bust
It’s a must the swivel in her hips
And the look she gives
It’s all her trust if only in the morning
She knew where she lived

CHORUS
'Cause If she wants to rock she rocks
If she wants to roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wants to stay she stays
If she wants to go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

And in a wink they’re on the brink
From drink to drink and at the bar
With cash to blow
From shot to shot it’s getting hot
Advance the plot to see how far
It’s gonna go
All depends so ditch the friends
And grab a cab
Another chance for cheap romance
Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning
Nothing to lose tonight they both are winning
And they fall in love as they fall in bed
They sing

CHORUS
If they want to rock they rock
If they want to roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they want to stay they stay
If they want to go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na (till close)

~ rock life hard! ~

UBERism

http://www.uber.com Im hooked.

Its a website maker.super easy.great features.
Initially, its made by artists concerned in making a space for artists to post their works.
Be it, Photography, Style, Magazine, Fashion, Lifestyle. etc.
Pretty cool huh?
Wanna be Malaysia's own 'Gossip Girl' ???
Or you think you have a knack for Latest Fashion?
Or you're a Car Freak. Obsessed with design & functionality.
Or create an online Portfolio.

You can also, share your vacation pictures, or Original Recipe? anything.

But in Uber, you can make it look artistic,your own.

I joined in to create a basis as an amateur photographer.
But after exploring the potential, I'd say I love to post anything interesting around me.
Be it, my family, friends updates!, current fav color?
or
continuing LIFESONGS!!!
maybe this blog will end soon.
maybe not.

I haven't finished mine. Looong way to go. But if you want to check it out.
here's the link http://nysh.uber.com/twinkles
ask me for Password. ^_^

~ Uberfectious ~

Black Out + EP of Lights

Start.
There were lights in the night.
Then there was dark.
Last 2 days, it happened.
Black out.

Fell asleep after maghrib prayer, then woke up at 8.55pm coz the storm cuts out the electricity.
So i woke up, sleepily, to the bathroom, waa..not that dark actually. The street lights comes in from the window.
Washed my face.
And went down and joined the rest of my family on our 'blackout party'. Hang out.Talk.Drink.etc.
Irfan takot guruh rupenye! awwww...

20 mins later.
I can see clearly again.

Then, my mom passed me my mail today.

The EP has arrived from the US.
All Those Pretty Lights is in my hands.
Thanks Drew for signing the EP for me!!!!!!
End.

~ in receiving cycle ~

Twilight Feeeevaaaaahhh

i know i know. 2 post in a day.
but a DA friend posted this on her blog. irresistible.

Here's the latest TWILIGHT trailer which comes out November 21st!
(thank goodness...after the disappointment of Harry Potter's postponement?!)
***click here for Twilight Trailer***

and the soundtrack is out!

Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
Paramore - Decode
The Black Ghosts - Full Moon
Linkin Park - Leave out all the rest
MuteMath - Spotlight (Twilight Mix)
Perry Farrell - Go All the way into Twilight
Collective Soul - Tremble for my beloved
Paramore - I caught myself
Blue Foundation - Eyes on fire
Rob Pattinson - Never think
Iron&Wine - Flightless bird, American mouth
Carter Burwell - Bella's Lullaby

Decode by Paramore
(odeo is having probs..so i had to resort to this :( meh.)

~ excited! ~

Wicked Betty! Uno, Dos, Tres. Jump.

my left shoulder blade throbbing with pain. muscle pain i reckon. either its due to wrong sleeping posture OR that i held Irfan too much.huhu..

2nd weekend of Eid Mubarak! yey to tht. ^_^
I'm waiting for few stuff to arrive.
1. Shipment from New Zealand.
2. Autographed EP by Andrew Belle who's been wonderful for messaging me and signing it for me too. ^_^
3. CDs from the US and UK.
4. Application forms from varies colleges/uni
5. Kebayas dari Bandung!
6. London keychains.

It hit me! I, really want to do the opposite of waiting.
"Even with one shoulder!"

I watched Ugly Betty Season 2.
3 things i got from that :

Numero Uno
The WICKED theatre was in the show! (Episode 6, Season 2) I went to see it too! The WICKED Musical at Apollo Victoria London with the new London cast! It was brilliant.

http://www.wickedthemusical.co.uk/

Elphaba (Alexia Khadime-new) Gosh her voice! Goooooosebumps.
Alexia Cast Page link

Short Finale of Defying Gravity



Longer recording of Defying Gravity

Glinda (Sarah Earnshaw-standby) was hilarious! lol...Gaaaa...lin. daaaa...toss toss lol!
Sarah Earnshaw Cast Page link

But dang, didnt get the CD. stupid me. huh!

Numero Dos
I'm not really a fan of the show but I admire Betty's "didn't care" attitude and determination during an execution. Brilliant confidence.

Also Mr.Suarez wonderful quotes :

"You just need to search deep inside and then take a deep breath. Jump."
- Episode 18, Season 2.

"Can't you see?You're doing it now.Growing up isn't about making the right decision. It's about dealing with the decision you've made.And picking yourself up.It's not easy.But I know you Betty. You can do it. But right now. These things. This moment. This. Is Growing Up."
- Episode 1, Season 3.

awwwwww...*sniff* Mr.Suarez! You rule! lol.

Numero Tres
Finally it got me hooked to JUMP by Madonna. i never thought i would actually like a song from her- no matter how fab she is as a performer or radio-friendly her songs are.
But I'm making an exception to this one.

DVD Tour Video of Jump by Madonna link

~ defying my own gravity, Jump ~

Regular

What's so regular about Regular?
I find excitement at trying new food no matter the price and the "classy-ness" of the place.
As long its clean and halal.
I like that some of my friends eat stuff that i don't. Like weird name of drinks or jellyfish!
Nothing to them but an ocean difference to me.
What's regular nowadays?
When we know more than before. Knowledge is super easy to gain.
New becomes a smaller territory.

However, are we born to know just enough to live?
Or is life a challenge?
Seek unknowns, untouched, undiscovered...even it looks like we don't really need it to survive.
We don't?
Do we really have to search other planets besides Earth that's livable to prepare the future of an entire population the option/door to a new planet to call home?
Japan's already building a hotel on the moon!

Regularity is irregular.
We're the same but we're not.

So you see, to me, regular is extraordinary. Be YOU.

~ life is this, beautiful ~

Raya Shopping Officially Done!

I hope..!!? errr...though looks like my mum took out her old list out. aiyak! of course, it was my own fault in the beginning not to settle everything earlier.
still life shouldn't be a bullet train ride everyday right. i need to be a sail boat once in a while. just waiting for the storm to come. and then, battle the raging sea so that afterwards, i can have victory moments and cheers! :)

the past week, i've been settling the Aidilfitri list for me and my family. That includes, my parents, my brothers, my sis, and my nephews. Looks like this raya i played the Dresser, the Merchandiser, the the..ermm..ermm...personal shopper? whatever it's called, i'm that.
I chosed KL to shop instead of Damansara for once. Mainly because it only took me 20 mins to reach KLCC with the new highway compared to 3 hours on LDP from Puchong to Uptown Damansara!!! INSANE bukan?
I hit Pavilion (convenient betul!), KLCC, Berjaya Times Square,Lot 10, Ampang Park, Ampang Point even Danau Kota (sampai tp tak jadik coz orang mcm semut!)
All within 3 days! Giler ah. (slang irfan) ngeh2.
Sgt lama tak shopping! well, if count out UK la coz I "HAVE" to.

I wish all my friends and readers who stopped by,
SALAM AIDILFITRI and MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.
Ikhlas dari sanubari ku. Maafkan semua salah silap saya ye? :)

Interesting peculiar events and coincidences happened to me during Ramadhan.
Things that I noticed without wanting or intent to. The signals and dreams. By now, I've used to the idea of universe showing signals and that my 6th sense is quite strong. Merely, signals are just the invincible connection of our entangled lives. I just need to figure out what it is. As usual.

Here's one story.
I wrote before UK that I was in a small accident. So when i was in UK, my dad's driver settled Estima. My mom made sure everything inside was cleaned before that. When I got back from UK, Estima was delivered back to us, fixed and totally washed inside and out.
That was 4 weeks ago.
Yesterday, i picked Lya from Ampang, and as soon as she sit next to me, she screamed!
There laid at her feet, an Avon Lipliner!LOL.
She told me that it was hers and that she's been looking for it since MAY! the last time we had a function @ PWTC.
Note, it wasnt mine, it wasnt my family's.
Then I thought, how weird that this thing just appeared out of nowhere. And that its Lya's?
Rezeki Lya kn.... :)

I've uploaded some more photos into my Deviantart.
I'm writing kad raya too..lama tak buat.
My family will be in Mersing for raya, as usual. But maybe not Terengganu for the 1st time :(

Safe journey everyone!
Take care!

~ apiqness + irfanness ~

All Those Pretty Lights

in the sky, in your eyes, on your fingertips, in the clouds of your wonders - igniting the spark in your heart.
I feel more like myself at the moment.

Aidilfitri is coming. What does it mean to me? That the calm and blessings of Ramadhan is almost over. The preciousness of nighttime will change back to normal. Long season of rolling with the flow of life. Floating. Easier ways of falling from grace. Cause Ramadhan punches a blissful breeze into our heart. We tend to control our mischiefs. How strong this Ramadhan is. Just because what lies beneath.
So saying goodbye to it? Sad. This year especially.

However, to those who 'won' Ramadhan, celebrate your victories this Aidilfitri.
To me, you know how blessed you are. How tough you are. How hard life is.
Also how goodness still pulses through your veins and people's.
That's good news right? Given the state of the world today. The world is in various troubles!
So Don't close your eyes people!

All Those Pretty Lights comes knocking at the right time in my life.
Clearly, by now, you can figure out how Songs are actors of my storyline.
They tend to fall on my lap from nowhere sometimes.
( thank you Universe!)
Like this particular artist, added me on Myspace.
This is the 2nd Myspace musician I promoted here in my blog.
I sense Big things for him. All The Best! :)

New Upcoming Musician : Andrew Belle
EP : All Those Pretty Lights.
Website :Andrew Belle on Myspace

my Review - get your hands on it! the lyrics are gems. the EP is a window to a promising future.
" we got stars in our eyes, see how they burn, see how they burn - In Your Sleep "

~ feel like myself, more ~

Another Round of Life Coming Up!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this Album. Period. Cause I was able to listen to the whole album while editing 10 times straight already! And i can't wait to share it here at my beloved blog. ngeh2.
I'm a musical person. It can build or disturb my system. Especially, crap music is a BIG NO NO while i'm driving. It drives me to sleep pretty quickly and can get me in a crappy mood too. Heh.

Anyway, did you guys noticed the full moon these past few days? Subhanallah. Gorgeous ok!
Lagi2 Ramadhan. pergh! And this morning, I saw the Red Rising Sun! it was so low at first. Then it goes up in the middle level of the Putrajaya Mosque. Subhanallah. It was brilliant. Urgh! nope, zero photo cause my tripod is in a ship from UK now. uwaaaa!

Carnival Ride is an excellent choice of phrase to describe life itself don't you think?
It's colorful, exciting, scary, up, down, spins, make you scream, go crazy, chirpy, bounded, enter and fall, bla bla bla...Like a roller coaster ride or those funny mirrors room, which can never seem to stop the phobia of some or excites enough, with boredom potential. Happened, happening or will happen, One time or another.

Back to the album :
My favourite tracks : So Small (below), Wheel of the World, I Know You Won't, Last Name.
Enjoy!

What you got if you ain't got love

the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Going to School 1882 Jules Bastien-Lepage
(do not own this image)

~ artsy, nephews, salute! ~

Ramadhan 08 so far

has been wonderful. Soaking the manfaats all in. hmmm...
Anak2 buahku are here for a few days its been fun having them around.
My brother's bday was last Sat. We got him a pretty cool all black watch. He loved it. yey!
Then Raya preps, family plans etc..is getting me into a joyful mood.

Baru lepas sahur, so before waiting Subuh, i feel like writing.
I'm staring at the painting postcard i got from Scotland. It's one of my fav piece now.
It made me feel alive. I feel more artsy lately. Which is hard to explain in words.
Just hope i could turned this aura into some kind of piece soon.

Editing photos at the moment is taking longer time, i need Photoshop in this PC asap.
Bigger screen wld be a plus too.hmm...but i need the money to buy charger for my camera's battery. I miss u! huhuhu...

I managed to watched Lipstick Jungle for the 1st time. Its really empowering since it shows real life+work dilemma more than the shoes. :)
Prison Break is ON again! Yey! Awesome.

There's one Big Q floating in my head right now. Something new, but i rather not splatter it out.
Massive work needs to be done 1st.

One step at a time?.. ;)

~ next please! ~

Weddings

Shocking isn't it? That i would talk about this which is freaking far from my usual post.
I had an earlier sahur just now, so now im just waiting for my perut to turun. ^_^

FB-ing, browsing through Neene's wedding albums. Long relationship that finally made it. :)
Sayang i couldnt make it. I really would love to. But since i was in the UK and i have no useful superpowers. So tht memory goes bye-bye.
(Note to self : Pray not to missed friend's wedding again!hhuhuhu)

Weddings is a beautiful life path. One which i personally feel is a blessing to be able to have that.
Of course, so many things are. Blessings comes in different forms.
Looking through weddings photos, i see FAMILY.
How it all is about Family. Creating new ones. Making old ones stronger.
With different shape of future awaits.

Then i read another of my friend's journal. His wedding was cancelled aside from losing his job and building a new business. Hmm..there goes my happy thoughts.

Then it reminded me of another of my close friend. Who met her new love, who was engaged. At time when love founds itself in stranger time. Unravelled that his old relationship wasn't working, truthfully.

Weddings not marriage.
To write about marriage is another thing completely of course.

What i meant to write is that, lately, especially this Ramadhan, a few of my male friends keeps asking me to find someone. One who felt sorry and want to make a mission out of it.
One suggested that I should walk around at Pasar Ramadhan?! so that i'll find the one? LOL.
One today, asked if i brought back guys from UK.
One, months ago, congratulated me on my weddings out of the blue, assumed based on my general statement, " guess what, i have something big to share." What else kn? Huh.

Please note. These are guys concerned about my singlehood.
Don't get me started on my female friends and family members!!!

See, i view weddings as a chance to have my own family.
Marriage is sharing that dream and make that life the best ones possible.
Being in love while at it, is a luxury.
Loving your kids is eternal duty.

See, i have a family now. I felt and carry the work. I love with all my heart. I sacrificed a lot. And i still fight to stand on my own to quickly run and grab parts of my personal dream as much as i can. Because, that's what singlehood is all about right?!Yourself?!
But do singlehood comes with juggling family stuff??? No.
Mine does.

I do love to have another family of my own someday.
(Wow. another big one)
I do want to be in love doing that too. :)
Come what may.
Sunshine always welcome.

p.s: and friends. I love you all for your concern. really!!!
it's wonderful to have ppl who cared. made life more worthwhile.
~ blessed ~

Finding the truth with Science

A 16 years old French girl from DA, messaged me and mention that she hoped that the experiment in France yesterday will not cause the end of the world.
We were initially casually exchanging thanks for our artworks.

Anyway, I was intrigued by the general fuss she'd given me so.. what else? I Googled 'em.

Apparently, it was a Physics Experiment revolving around a machine created to detect the 'God's particle' (some call em). Finding it will help to explain the other dimension exist in our world. Will also explained further or changed the Big Bang Theory.
Some were against this, saying it might create a black hole! Hence. my Da fren's cry for not wanting to die young!

At this, i thought about "Ghosts",malaikat, makhluk ghaib etc. The unseen but well known presence that we believe in.
Which then reminded me of the book i read, " The End of Mr.Y ".
Also, once my uncle told me about his PHD friend in the US, who told him, that the study of the paranormal has already started, scientifically. Like a university course.

I admire deeply people who pursue and fight to find the truth.
But not with an unacceptable cost. Then again, Life is Cause & Effect.
Some we can control, and some we leave it at faith.
Some decision, even at the fullest deepest thought, can go sour.
Like a sudden death, that doesn't make sense.
In Islam, that's Qada' & Qadar. Humans never will know better than Allah.
But that does not mean, we should stop pursuing what we believe in.
And stop learning from different angles.


~ oh, Beautiful Gift : Life ~

Here's articles/news of the experiment :

http://news.smh.com.au/world/massive-physics-experiment-on-wednesday-20080908-4byr.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/the-large-hadron-collider-end-of-the-world-or-gods-own-particle-921540.html

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/09/08/lhc.collider/index.html

http://www.rte.ie/news/2008/0909/cern.html

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080903112026.htm

Beautiful Strangers

I just finished trying to kill my sister! Annoying when she does the voice " Get a Grip, Grandma!"
heh. Take that! pow! n that! haiyak! (dust my hands) there. now she's all little like marshmallow.HAHAHA...kidding.i love her. :)

my right wrist hurts. (teringat reenee..hmm..berjangkit?). don't know why really.

I'm back to my usual daily life. Home, DA-ing and always in check with my sister's studies. SPM soon for her. US Open final's today. Rafa respectably lost to Andy Murray. :| darn rain!
AND Andy isnt English. He's Scottish and doesnt like we get it wrong. :)

ooohh...Scotland. (UK memories!!!)
well, i've finally sorted out my DA account. Uploaded few shots. Then, stumbled upon another DA artist and coincidentally he's from ABERDEEN! small2 world. So we got on chatting a bit.
And he went to the Fringe Festival.Twice. (jealous!)

this got me thinking of strangers i met there.

The Liverpool Levi's girl.
She was the 1st modest,helpful and friendly store help i've met in UK!
no seriously, their "attitude" isnt like at home. They made you put back the jeans you tried on back to it's hanger! OMG! and it is so hard to get eye contact/smile/diplomatic gesture.
It made me appreciate shopping in Asia! Here we're treated 'luxuriously' which fits the idea of a shopping=pampering! From my tiny experience, generally, thats London.

oh! and once, we went to this petite French cafe, and the waitress was so rude!
we asked for ice coffee. she said no (eye on the air!). then another guy swoop in, and did a fake super friendly talk and offered us to taste their new iced blended.
at the same time, rolled his eyes to the girl, an act of disaproval of her.
I had my inner evil laugh at this girl.
Obviously, she wasnt english. ( happened much??? mmmmmaybe!)

But, out of London, is where "non-cool" people really are.
Real people.
One time, I was walking into a store, a man stopped, and let me pass through first, With Hand Gesture! waaah..felt like a real lady!

And i was stopped in front of Edinburgh Starbucks, cause these 2 americans wants to take picture wit me! I lmao inside. Weirdos. One of them, started talking, LOUDLY, how we, Starbucks Consumers are contributing to garbage=another world problem.etc.
While he was babbling, i cant help but smile at how bored he must be.
He continued talking to others inside the shop, but people's faces weren't as friendly and shaked their heads off.
Then, he said "i don't want to start a long political debate now, i'll go".
He then asked us to thank our friend for "making garbage".
So i replied with a wide grin, " thanks for your sarcasm!"
"This is the truth! " he said smilingly.
"OK! Whatever. Bye! " happily i responded.

Funny cheerful bored guy.
There's time and place for things right people?
:)

~ smiling to myself ~

For my kind of UK that i knew

WONDERFUL
by Chantal Kreviazuk

I'm alone in this life
And these old jeans are too tight
And now I can't pick my feet off the floor
I try to laugh but I cry
My dignity's undignified
I guess i'm really on my own

Love is like a little boy
No I'm not paranoid
But I'm onto you yeah yeah
Well I'm not seventeen
And I don't wanna be
So why am I hiding?

[Chorus:]
Is it too late to call you on the phone
Too late to tell you I'm alone
I wanna wake you from another lonely night
Is it too late to wonder where you are
Too late to hold you in my arms
Cause if you're looking for wonderful
I'm wonderful

I'm a very simple girl
And I don't fit into this world
The city lights leave me in a daze
And even though we've never met
You know what I'm trying to forget
Some things you can never change
[Chorus]

I'm underneath
Underneath
I'm underneath
I'm underneath

Good Feeeeeel'a'ng!

Thats how it goes. Good Things Comes to an End.
It obviously meant that when things are good! Enjoy!
Deserve it. :)

Yeah, my UK trip was excellent. Im having trouble catching up to all my memories, thoughts,emotional absorption and organizing defining words to describe the whole experience.
Its like stuffing too many jelly beans into a clear long vase where the top cover is missing under the mountain of jelly beans next to it!
Make sense?hahaha...
and yes, i did ate jelly beans there!

Love IT! thats as short as i can say to express myself on the 3 weeks UK venture.

Near the end of the journey, during our long drive down from Scotland to London, i love Nina for letting me hear the Queens of the Stone Age! Gosh! where have i been all these years!
apela Nina! sampai hati..lambat gile nk share! now our Korn days are even! ^_^
concert!concert!hehe..

my inspiration replica! BUFFY!!!!!!!!

more stories later.
~ to be continued ~

Sisters, You're A Gem

Always There

© Rachel S. Lengefeld

I'll always be here through thick and thin
You can come to me, I'll listen
I'm your friend, I won't push you away
When you need a hug, my arms are wide open
When you need to talk, I have an open ear
Your growing up and getting older
Know that I'm always here, I'm not going anywhere
Wherever you are, I'm there with you
You’re in my heart and my prayers
Just know I'm here, because I truly care
You’re my sister, you mean so much
Don't want to see you hurt or cry
I'll wipe the tears, I'll get rid of your fears
Want to see you grow up and achieve
Just believe, have faith
You can do anything
You’re beautiful inside and out
You’re smart and very talented
You’re many things, but most all, you’re my sister
I believe in you and know that I'll never stop loving you.

p.s: can't wait to see Alexis in the movie, n i miss u SIS! xxo

~ in artistic mood ~

For Me

There are things you can't change and you can't have them back once its lost.
Finding those that are lost is harder, and will get harder as time goes by.
Within the time frame thats been given to us, we choose what we keep and what we let go.
In return, in this temporary life, we learn to get by along with the pain of it.
In space where you can breath freely, is where you'll realize, the painful choices that you made before, had been done, based on a tiny prayer inside you.
That prayer is change for the better. And to keep on holding to whats actually real and good for your soul since that counts for not just today but forever.

ps: I MISS HOME SO BADLY! but im having a blast here in the UK. :)

Alhamdulillah, im fine ere.
Tonnes of pictures. Good frens. Cant wait to see Nina soon!

~ live now for tomorrow ~

Friends You're Also My Stars ^_^

Vice Versa ^_^

When You're Gone by Bryan Adams & Mel C

p.s: thanks Tinie for this xxo

~ sedang anxious (pasal benda lain la tapi) ~

Scream Fest in my Head!

aaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like screaming. in my head right now is like not one, not two, but several big busy buzzing cities! aiyak.
OMG!OMG! so many things to prepare. home,work & especially my soul.
i pray ya Allah, that the 3 weeks will teach me more.
Only you & me knows my heart's intention. ^_^

Arini best makan wooo...thanks to Mr.Raja & K.Eera :)
Dadih je tak try.hahaha...n Lya for catching up with me all the way from Perak. hugsss!

Again, no Goldenhorse , no Stardust Soundtrack, no The Honorary Title cds.
Mana laaa aku nk carik ni.

Roger Federer is coming again to KL! yey!

I really have no idea what to write because there's too many!
Like tali putus2. If tulis pun org tak faham. Ha-ha.

Can't wait!!!

p.s: tetibe teringat cupcake Miss Suraya. ;|

~ ke-sewel-an ~

Cute Alert!

Can't help it! The song is so fine. So are the boys. mwahahahahahahahaha......

She Said,I Said by NLT.

Turn Things Around

When turning things around we don't really know what's coming. Blind faith.

Long time no news. Had a minor accident last week. Only the car got hit. (Alhamdulillah) Having a blast at home, the boys are here and Mel. :)
Driven crazy by my sis for making me help her with her SPM art projects. Terasa like i was so bck in school. aah...study years. so fun! Will tht come around again?

Study = Adelaide. Thats the equation for tht of me nowadays. The fighting force of Adelaide keeps coming dont they? Last 2 days, someone from the past, ym me. its been years. Shocking. Never expected. But nice that it happened. haha. He so owes me coffee. If I am living the other life that i planned to since last year, we wld be hanging out now. Or i'd be in japan and korea with my fren, taking a semester there :)
All of these made me feel the big space life gives.
At the same time, choices made life seem small.
Putting two together, Life is simply ways we turn it around.
Again, like how Magnorium's Wonder Emporium movie inspired me.

"Turn every ordinary into extraordinary"

I missed the 2nd Deviantart Malaysia gathering! damn damn. huhuhu
And im off to UK the end of this month.
oh Life. :)

~ When It Rains by Paramore ~

And when it rains
on this side of town
It touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don't miss a thing
You made yourself a bed at the bottom
of the blackest hole
and convinced yourself
that it's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

And when it rains
You always find an escape
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything
You made yourself a bed at the bottom
Of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep till May
You'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

(Explain your side, Take my side)
Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we'll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming and
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

You can take your time, take my time

p.s: referring to my last post, Lasagna. thanks Ainee very much. now a teenager wants to marry me!!! (terkelu..apakah perasaan yg patot i ada ni?)

~ passionnista ~

Pasta, Lasagna, LAT and DAD

All my anak buah just went home.
Always a joy having them around.
More special that i discovered my nephews loved my pasta!
Irfan would make a silly dance after each piece he puts in his mouth.
That boy is too adorable.urgh!

My pasta sensation doesnt really started there.
Thanks to Miss Ainee, i was the Queen of Lasagna in Putrajaya 1 High School (my sis school).
My sis 17 birthday, i made lasagna. And the fact that her class is 3/4 boys, made it a big deal. Suddenly i was like this celebrity. hahahaha...
More so, everytime there's things at school, they nag me to make some.
The birthday was last Feb, and finally last week, i made the dish again for my sister's teacher birthday party. (for FREE!).
Then people start asking to order it from me.
Gosh! thats when it hits me how domestic i am, NOW.

That is my life this past year. Domestic me. Its a different life of course.
Despite the business,studies,etc.
Freedom in a different angle.
Now, this is another phase in my life.
It made me excited to be in my next one.
Like my close frens said, i could write several books just about high school.
Thats how many phases i had.

I had no internet for the past 5 days.
So, pardon my overwhelming story teller urge. :)

I do however have another very interesting story(well to me).
It came as a shock. We always know that parents have different life in the past.
I love that. I love hearing old stories about my grandfather who i never knew, who had the most bizarre adventure i personally ever heard about.
But i think i'll save that for another time.

The story that i want to share, is the one my mum told me about my dad last 2 days.
I never knew that my dad had been in a terrible accident with few colleagues from early government work days. They were all on a way to football match.
Cause of a stupid dare, my dad (who drove), tried to cross a car and end up flying the car across a "gaung" and end up in a river!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, it didnt end there. One of them almost died.
One of them get help from an emergency phone.
No, it didnt end there either.
The whole thing was relived by LAT. yes LAT the Malaysian Cartoonist!
In the paper!Apparently, my dad and LAT are friends.
WOW.I was freaking surprised, the accident, the LAT, the paper.
The paper probably around the year 82-85.
I was 2-5 years old. :)
I only experienced 1 accident in my whole life.
It wasn't pleasant at all.
The irony of a tragedy turned into comedy?
WOW.

My domestic life :) comes with travelling, house modelling, school, shopping, kids, recipes. The whole package without the normal entity. hahahaha.Another irony.
The best part is being with my family.
BUT im throwing a UK trip in the mix.
I so Need it!
New thoughts, new stories, new fun.

Last week, i had my music sense filled with Nerina Pallot.
Her new album will be out this year too.
Im glad i encounter her songs.
The FIRES album is so awesome. I love all.

~just following my ancient beat~

Fully Alive

I had a Mouse crisis.
This is the 2nd one i bought. My good behavior old mouse went bonkers! grrr...malfunction my a*%!
so i went to buy a new one and the wire was freaking short! Then i bought another one, and HA-HA, it is slightly shorter than what i had! Cruel cruel joke.
Should I buy the 3rd mouse? hah?hah? irritating betul.

It's been a while i haven't shared any current songs. Lately, my feminist strength overdriven my music sense..hence the all girls stuff i listened to.
Imaginations that came out from this? very positive. Sunshine, BEACHES!, driving with the window down blowing my hair, cute guys!, the NO one gonna let me down attitude, being totally your-dorky-perky self and all the good good friends!

Hence, i love not to worry. But having nothing to worry about is bad, cause you have no reason to feel certain things. You cant really live your life too perfectly, cause that just means you never change. :)
I may love today, hate tomorrow, or dying-ly loving the next.
Basically, i hate being bored. ngee...

Here's few of Girls Rule Sunny Cheery Songs!
1. The Bangles!!! - Walk Like an Egyptian 80's
2. Sandi Thom - I Wish I was a Punk Rocker (with Flowers in my Head) PopRock
3. Nerina Pallot - All Good People, Everybody's Gone to War PopRock
4. Amy Studt - Misfit Pop
5. Bonnie McKee - Somebody PopRock
6. Katy Rose - Glow PopRock
7. A Fine Frenzy - You Picked Me Acoustic
8. Susan Enan - Bring on the Wonder ( Bones Soundtrack) Acoustic
9. Belinda Carlisle - Heaven is a place on Earth 80's
10. Lucie Silvas - What You're Made of Ballad
and my sister's favorite, any songs by Jessie Daniels. Pop

and a more emo-rock by FLYLEAF. the album is pretty good. :)

Flyleaf with All Around Me
(wait for 3:02 hehe)

~still waiting for her Quintuplets~